This weekend, two years ago, I was happily finishing my Christmas shopping for my “complete” family of 4 with no thought that my world was about to change.
And then God got my attention and started tearing down pieces of my heart so He could move right in and take over.
I never knew before that I had more room in my life, in my home, in my heart, and in my plans. I never knew before that I was missing someone.
And when we allowed Him in, God brought a love for my children even before I knew them. He placed this love in my heart. He nurtured it. He grew it. All I had to do was accept it.
This weekend, last year, I started crying in Barnes and Noble.
I was finishing the last of our Christmas shopping in the children’s book section. For some reason, a floppy-legged, patchwork stuffed horse caught my eye. I picked it up and was overwhelmed with a longing for my children whom I had never met.
These children were half a world away from me, I knew not their names or their faces, but I prayed for them daily. I prepared a room for them in my home. I longed to hold them in my arms. And now, I was going to buy them a Christmas present, even if they were not here to open it.
I purchased that patchwork horse and a stuffed turtle night-light. (At this point, I was only planning on 2 more children, remember!)
I wrapped both presents and put them under our tree. On Christmas morning, Joel and Hannah opened these presents. Then we placed them in the empty bedrooms while we waited for our coming sons or daughters.
And this weekend, this year, as I sat in church with my family, I started crying again. I looked down the row at all those little faces, upturned and filled with radiance, trying to mouth the words to songs they had never heard before. These beautiful little souls that have been placed in my family by a benevolent Father. A Father who sent His own son to earth, all those years ago.
And as unexpected as the gift of four more children might have been, I am eternally grateful to the giver of perfect gifts.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights. James 1:17
Joy filled my heart and overflowed in my tears as we sang this song….
Joy, unspeakable joy
And overflowing where no tongue can tell
Joy, unspeakable joy
Rises in my soul, never lets me go.
What a blessed Christmas gift we received this year. Four more children to love.
What a blessed Christmas gift we have all received. If we will only accept it.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16