I have been busy surviving.
Imagine that you are on a beautiful tropical island.
The breeze is balmy. The sun is warm. The view is spectacular.
And you are stranded in the water just 100 yards offshore. You can’t swim back against the strong current no matter how hard you try. You are stuck treading water. You are focused only on surviving. The breeze and the sun and the view are all there, but you can’t enjoy them because it is all you can do to keep your head above water.
This is how I feel most of the time.
I know there are beautiful, precious little souls surrounding me, but I am so busy surviving that I can not truly enjoy them just now.
It seems as though my entire day consists of meeting someone else’s needs. Cooking. Dishes. Laundry. School. Dishes. Wiping bottoms. Wiping noses. Dishes.
And I think I would be able to handle all of this if it weren’t for the emotional fatigue that threatens to overwhelm me. My number one job these days? Mediating. Constant mediating.
And yes, even though I am not supposed to, I worry. Will this turmoil cause permanent damage to Joel and Hannah? Will our family’s love be able to undo the hurt in Leah, Naomi, Micah and Levi’s past?
Some days are better than others. This was not one of those days.
But even when I feel like I do right now, even when I am bent under the weight of what we are shouldering, even when all I want to do is drop into bed and ignore the dirty dishes in the sink, I have a hope for what I can glimpse on the horizon. I know that this will all get easier with time.
I know I have shared this verse in a previous post, but it is worth sharing again. This is the verse that keeps me going. This is the verse that runs through my head over and over on days like today. This is my promise from a God who loves me.
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. ~ Phillipians 1:6
And I am thankful that even on days like today, I am still being honest when I end my post like this….
(Because that is what He has given me – 6 beautiful blessings.)