I Don’t Love You In A Creepy Way

FRIENDS!!!!

My long lost friends!

I haven’t written a blog post in over a year. OVER A YEAR! During my year of non-blogging I learned a few things.

Number One

I like blogging. I miss blogging. I am officially returning to blogging and re-launching my stories into the world. I know, SO EXCITING! (I say with great hope you feel the same.)

Number Two

More than blogging, I like YOU. I am officially returning to YOU, my online sisters. I have missed interacting with all of you in this way. I read each one of your comments and emails. I laugh at your stories. I cry at your pain. I pray for you guys. It gives me great comfort to know you are praying for me and rooting me on in my journey. I think about you all, probably more than I should. Not in a creepy way. But in a loving way. I promise.

Number Three

I needed this past year to realize exactly who I am.

In 2010 we started the adoption journey. Paperwork and home studies consumed us. We talked about, dreamed of and planned for our coming children. We painted bedrooms, passed background checks, raised money. Our entire lives revolved around four children who we had never even met. That was who I was–an adopting mama.

In 2012 we brought our children home. Trauma and bonding consumed us. We were deep in the trenches–fighting for our family, getting bruised and bloody on all of the broken, figuring it out one day at a time. Our entire lives revolved around six children who we loved with all of our hearts. That was who I was–a trauma mama.

In 2014 we turned a corner. We finally found the new normal that we had been promised all along. My days went from counseling appointments and therapy sessions to soccer practice and play dates. I realized that my children did not need me quite as desperately as before. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I was still BUSY. But I was not as CRAZY. I suddenly had a little bit of extra emotional energy to invest in myself. I remembered the girl I used to be, the one who got lost somewhere amidst the all-consuming job of building our family. And I remembered that I love to write. This is who I am–a writing mama. A writing mama who more than anything desires to share my gloriously messy life with all of you. Not because my life or my family is somehow more special than yours. But because deep down, we are all the same. We are all living messy lives. Together we can champion each other. We can find joy in each other’s stories. Solidarity, messy sisters!

Number Four

I am working on a book manuscript.

It is still under construction and is itself very messy, but glory be do I love my baby book. I nurture it and I coddle it and I gaze at it with starry eyes. I spend a lot of time figuring out how to turn it into the best possible book it can be. One day it will grow up to be a real life, fully developed, ready-to-be published book. I don’t know when that day might come, but I hope you all will join me on this journey. I promise to do my best for you.

Number Five

I love my life.

This is not the life I had dreamed of. THANK GOD! My dreams were all about sunshine, cute shoes and really good hair days. They included a husband, two point five children, and a golden retriever.

I don’t have a golden retriever. I have a little mutt of a dog. Her daddy was a Jack Russell. Her mama was a Shitzu. I think this makes her a JackShitzu.

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We call her Miracle.

I also don’t have two point five children. I did end up with the husband and a handful of really good hair days. Other than that, my original life plan has been re-written. God offered me something better. He offered me something so all-consuming that it burned away the chaff in my heart. He gave me something so heavy that it required me to lay down my own idols; the idol of security, the idol of family, the idol of happiness; in order to have my hands free to hold His gift.

God made me a mother to six beautiful children.

I'm back

Some of these kids aren’t mine. And one of my own children is missing. Close enough. You get the idea.

“God’s plan is bigger than your dream.” ~ Christine Caine.

My dreams + God’s plans = tomorrow’s hope.

God planned for me to be a mama to six. He planned for me to be an adoptive mama. A trauma mama. A writing mama. Who knows what else He has planned for me? I am going to continue dreaming while leaving plenty of room for God’s plans.

One of my dreams is to create a place for us to be authentic with each other. A little community where we can encourage, motivate, and champion each other. A place to live out our stories together. Where love flourishes BIG and we can all be BRAVE.

This little community includes my website. Come on over and check it out at www.nataliegwyn.com.

Our community includes this blog and all of you darling blog readers.

It includes social media. Here’s a secret. I actually love social media. Love. Love. Get annoyed by. Love. Where else can we quickly connect with so many other interesting people? Peek into their lives? See pictures of their children-pets-dinner-unidentifiable rashes? You will find the occasional weirdo (present company excluded, of course) and it is easy to stumble into sensitive areas if we don’t watch ourselves. But usually I love it over there. Find me on FB, IG and Twitter. I look forward to seeing pictures of your children-pets-dinner! (You can keep your unidentifiable rashes to yourself, please.)

This community will one day include my book(s). Oh I love you, my baby book. Even when you misbehave and keep me up at night. I can see your future potential.

I am excited about living life in community with all of you. Laughter, joy and plenty of hot messes will be found here.

Blessings!

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(More blogs are on the way soon. Can’t wait to swap stories with you, my messy friends.)

5 thoughts on “I Don’t Love You In A Creepy Way

  1. Leah Austin Hargrave

    So glad you are back! I am a fellow adoptive mama with a 7 year old from ET. I followed your story as you brought your children home. I still remember one of your posts that made me laugh… “World’s Okayest Mom.” You have such a gift for writing, inspiring, encouraging… I look forward to more blog posts and to your book. Okay if I friend you on FB? Blessings!

    1. putnam97 Post author

      Hi Leah! Yes, please find me on FB. I am so happy to be back doing what I love to do – writing and story telling. When I can find time between all of the momming, of course:)

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